Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As shirtless as possible
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
