wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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