two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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