fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
