everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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