So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
