I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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