It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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