This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
