I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
