come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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