Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
