Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
