There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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