This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i've created a new STD.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
