dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
