you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
