At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
