About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
