He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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