He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?