Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
