made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
