Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he puts the penis in happiness.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all