Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night