I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?