There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night