well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
