Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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