Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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