look no pants
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
