shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
