i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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