i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
