Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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