Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
