I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
