upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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