I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
