toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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