This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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