You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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