Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
