I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
