I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
