Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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