Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
