what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
