I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize