So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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