I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
