If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
