Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
