I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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