i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
