so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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