A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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