Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
