i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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