So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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