Kiss
Puke
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
