then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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