i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize