So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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