She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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