How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
