i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
