Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
