We won't sleep together?
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
