Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just pee around me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
