I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
