"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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