Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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