My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
