I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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