I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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