I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
