He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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