all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
