I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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