she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
