I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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