Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
