I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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